This week for ten things to talk about before marriage, we’re discussing conflict resolution. How do you talk to each other? Do you listen? Do you feel understood? These are all very important things to iron out before the big day.
Communication usually comes easily to most engaged and newlywed couples. You feel like you can talk to each other about anything – you might even find it hard to understand why married couples fight.
Or maybe you have already had some arguments and are worried about how to make things go more smoothly in the future. Wedding planning can bring up all kinds of disagreements, from family matters to financial issues.
Photo : Gabriel Ryan Photographers
It’s totally natural for you to have different approaches towards how to handle certain situations and problems and to have different opinions on all kinds of issues. The way we handle problems, more than the problems themselves, often can be the real problem. Conflict is natural, people in a relationship are always going to have differences. As couples become closer, their differences can sometimes cause disagreements.
Thankfully, conflict can be a positive thing if it is resolved in a healthy way. Love and respect are absolutely key in handling conflict – so keep in mind that your goal is to resolve the issue at hand and not to hurt your partner.
Questions to go over with your partner to learn how you as a couple deal with conflict and how to improve upon how you do (there’s always room for improvement):
- How did your parents deal with conflict?
– How will we make decisions together?
– Are we both willing to face up to the difficult areas, or do we try to avoid conflict?
- Do you think we have problems in our relationship that we need to deal with before our wedding?
- Do we handle conflict well?
- How are we different?
- Do you think our differences will create problems in our marriage?
- Do you expect or want me to change?
- Can we both forgive?
- Are we both willing to work on our communication skills and to share intimately with each other?
– What are your perpetual issues?
- Do you have the same approaches to communication?
- Are there certain communication techniques that work better for you?